If he won't commit you must quit

Most women find themselves in the 'unique' position of being involved with a man who may shy away from commitment and marriage. When this happens it can sometimes leave a woman thinking that she's to blame, that she must be doing something wrong. Why? This is because most men lead women into a false sense of belonging when they are with them. This is not to sound bitter, but realistic. The average man only feels as good as his ego will allow him. Trust me, for some, that's a little too generous. However, when a man wants to be 'the head' of the relationship, they feel the need to control every aspect of it. Commitment to marriage takes away some of that control. I'm going to tell you a brief story about a man who wouldn't totally commit. . .

We'll call him Vincent. Vincent was a nice guy: loving, smart, attractive as hell, and he was a gentleman. Vincent was involved with a woman who he used to be involved with years before. But, they parted ways, had other relationships, etc. As fate would have it, these two found their way back to each other. Vincent was as sweet as ever to his girlfriend Phylecia. He was loving, went all out to give her the world. The relationship seemed to be getting pretty serious. In fact, they started 'talking about' marriage. Trust me when I say 'talked about' because that's all Vincent would ever do. He made no real moves towards anything. Once, when Phylecia was fed up with his resistance, she insisted that they shop for rings, since he said he would 'one day.' The two of them went to a jewelry store to look around. Phylecia saw the perfect ring, and it wasn't anywhere near expensive. But, she loved the ring. At that moment, Vincent was put on the spot by the jewelry sales clerk and by his girlfriend. They both looked at him to read his expression. Even with that, despite the fact that financially he was in a position to purchase five of those rings if he wanted to, he insisted that they leave the store because he wanted to get something on his own and surprise Phylecia. Phylecia was a little suspicious, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. That was in 2005. She never saw that ring nor any other one for that matter. Vincent had managed to avoid it once again.

On another occasion, when Phylecia was fed up, she told him that he had to commit to her one way or the other: serious engagement (with a ring), go to the courthouse and get married, or buy a house. If he didn't commit, he would have to let her go so that she could move on. She even told Vincent she'd give him a few days to decide. He decided to go for getting the house together. Phylecia and Vincent didn't like the idea of living together not being married, but he told her that he would help pay for the house and continue to stay at home until they were husband and wife. Sounds good in theory, huh? Umm, not so much. Logically, Phylecia was thinking that no man would pay half of a mortgage payment for more than a few months on a house he wasn't living in, so surely this would lead to that trip down the aisle. Wrong again. They had the house for over three years and still had not gotten married.

Did this man love Phylecia? After all, he was willing to put his name on the dotted line for a nice home for them. That was commitment, right? Oh, there's one thing I forgot to mention that was always an obstacle in Vincent and Phylecia's relationship: his mother. You know that old saying that a man will love you as much as he loves his mother? Not true in this case. I think every man should love his mother, but not to the point of putting his life on hold for her. And for any mother that makes her son feel he 'owes her' his entire life, she should feel some sense of shame. Vincent's mother never did. Everything was about her. His entire life had to be about her. It was bad enough to the point where if they went out to dinner, she expected to hear from him so that he could order her something from the menu. This woman was 'needy' in the worst way.  Vincent was an only child, so he felt he would be abandoning her.  They had an unhealthy relationship.  So much to the point where it killed him.  Vincent drank himself to death because he was trapped between two women he loved:  one who wanted a commitment, and one who refused to let him commit to anyone else but her.  Mothers, don't hold on too tight.  There's enough of him to go around.  If you don't want him to marry her, consider the alternative.  It could worry him to death.  Vincent's mother got her wish:  she didn't have to worry about him marrying Phylecia.  He was out of Phylecia's life, but the problem now is that he's out of his mother's life, too.